Future

Hello everybody,

time flies so quickly and before you even realise you'll be an adult with many responsibilities.
I'm actually getting there in the next couple of years and I can't say that I'm ready for it.

If everything goes according to plan I'm getting my "Abitur" in a year and two months. That's sooooo crazy. And then who knows what will happen.

I have expectations and dreams that I want to live but no one can guarantee me that they are going to happen.

First of all, I want to go to New Zealand to do an internship and a language course as well as doing some travelling whilst being there.
Then I want to go to university. The thing is the subject I've kinda chosen is not really something you can study a lot in Germany but I've found a uni in the UK that has a good offer so I'm trying my best to get in there.
And after that, I definitely need a job.
But I don't know if that's going to happen... so all I can do is hope for the best.

Being honest that is not the only thing that I fear. I don't know what's going to happen with me and my friends.
I know that I won't be friends with all of them after school but there are a few I really want to keep in touch with. We are all going our separate ways, leaving to conquer the world.


We will leave people and places behind us. Find new ones that we love. That's just the way everything in life happens.

If I think about my future I don't see anything. It's just a big black hole. But that's ok because everything shapes eventually.
Some things may work out and some won't.


I don't really like to think about the future. It scares me but also fascinates me. We all have to face it. If we want to or not.
I can't believe that it's already 2017. I mean I remember being in primary school thinking that it's still so long until I do my "Abitur" in 2018. The truth is it's not that long to go anymore.

I get this feeling every year. In January I think "the year is so long and I've got plenty of time" but at the end of the year I just sit here and think "what has happened to the year, how is it already over again?"
But that's not everything. With every year of my life that has passed everything got quicker and faster.

I'm sorry that this post is all over the place.

What are your plans for the future?

Love, Steff xx

Advice: mums or dads new partner

Hello everybody,

my mum recently got a new boyfriend after quite a long time. She told me out of the blue but I am happy for her.

It was a little weird at first (not gonna lie) but we get along very well now.

I'm doing this post because there are a few of you out there whose parents have new partners and don't really on what to do now.

First of all, you need to remember that your parents deserve to be happy and be together with someone who makes them happy. And second, of all, you need to remember that they don't want to replace your mum or dad.
But if there is anything that is bothering you about your mums or dads new partner you need to tell them so you can work it out and be as happy as possible.

As I already mentioned my mum hasn't had a boyfriend in a long time and I just got used to it. The moment she told me, I was very surprised but I was happy for her and I know that she deserves someone you will make her happy.

It was hard to get know him because my mum doesn't live close by because of her work so the first time meeting him was a bit uncomfortable. For me it's hard to do the first step so, I was quite anxious. I worried a little and that's totally normal to be nervous you just need to remember that nothing bad is going to happen.
It will take some time before you get to know each other.
I think the easiest way to get to know each other is having a coffee together and start with some small talk. Find things you both like but don't force yourself to anything.

Now that you got to know your parent's new partner and you get along it might be the time for you to meet their kids (if they have some). In my case, they are older than me and already have their own family. I haven't met them yet but I'll probably meet them soon.
I think you'll need to find same interests or hobbies as well. Depending on the age difference it can be harder or easier. Maybe you don't have any similarities but don't worry the more you spent time together the better you get along. Everything takes time.

Please remember I'm not an expert and these are the things I experienced. It may differ from case to case.
I hope some of the things are helpful

Love, Steff xx

How to organise your life

Hello everybody,

I'm really sorry there wasn't a new blog post last week and I know this is very ironic because this post is about being organised...

The first thing I did to get my life organised was tidying and cleaning my flat. I had a massive clear out and reorganised my office.

- document holder

- bankers box

I find it very helpful to have a to-do list on my phone so even if I'm on the go, I still know what to do. I'm using an app called Wunderlist. It is amazing you can set reminders, notes and repeaters. And you can share it with you family or partner as well.

I also got an old-school made out of paper to-do-list in my office. I'm quite a visual person so seeing all the things you have already ticked and done is extremely motivating. Mine is marble themed and from Urban Outfitters.

- to-do list 1

- to-do list 2

- to-do list 3

I wouldn't say I got a strict timetable but to get the most out of my weekend I chill on Saturday and do some small and easy chores. Sunday is the day I do all the other chores and worky bits. Mostly I finish at 5 pm, therefore, I still got the evening for relaxing.

I also write down all my to-dos for the next week on Sunday.

Now here's a tip especially for those of you who still go to school or uni.

I will always start with the thing I hate the most and have to concentrate the most because the longer you have to concentrate the less you actually do. Doing creative and enjoyable stuff at the end is kind of a treat for working really hard beforehand.

These are only a few of the things I changed and so far they helped me a lot.

I can only recommend it to anybody who has problems with time setting and getting work done.

Do you have any special ways to organise yourself and your work?

Love, Steff xx

Memories

Hello everybody, 

get cosy and start reminiscing.

Memories are amazing. They remind you of happy times, sad times, moments you want to keep forever but also moments and times you don't want to think back on.
They can remind you of things you already forgot they can be cringy, they can make you feel old but also get you in a good mood.
Keeping your memories of your childhood, loved ones or special days is so important. Unfortunately, people remember things in different ways and some forget things quite easily. There are different ways how to keep your memories. I have a lot of videos and pictures and boxes full of booklets, cards and tickets. This way I'll be connected to many moments for a long time.

The best way for me to look back is videos. Only yesterday I watched some old videos with my family and we had such a fun time. I love it so much I started doing videos at those times I want to remember forever and this way I can even relive them. Another thing that I love to do is going through all my childhood toys.


What are your ways to remember things or relive moments?
What is your favourite memory?

Love, Steff xx

Travel: London (Part 2)

Hello everybody,
let's continue our journey!

Thursday was quite an interesting experience... I would say. For me, it's interesting to see how hospitals in different countries work. Basically, my mum had some troubles (nothing too serious tho) so we walked to the hospital and had everything checked. And being completely honest it was one of the best hospitals I've ever been to. It was really modern and the people were friendly and in such a good mood (trust me on this) that is very rare for a hospital. As weird as it sounds but it was a great experience (weird I know).
Afterwards, we went to Pizza Express to have a quick lunch. I haven't been there in ages and I felt so nostalgic. But we were in a bit of a hurry because we had to walk back to the hotel to get ready for my grandpas birthday celebration. We went to the OXBO Bankside for dinner and had such a great time. To finish our evening we drove around London for some "sightseeing". We do this everywhere even if we've been there a hundred times before. It just got to a family tradition.

The next day we went to Brighton. As I already said we were extremely lucky in terms of weather. That day has been the warmest and sunniest out of all of them. Considering it was February people walked around in shorts and T-Shirts, some even went into the sea. We walked along the beach and went into a cute café to watch the sun set. For dinner, we headed back to London and had dinner at Pizzeria Rustica. I love pizza and that pizza was delicious. The restaurant is very small and intimate and retro-ish. It's so cool (you have to check it out).

We had a bit of a rough start on Sunday but it all turned out fine in the end. We went to a french place to have lunch with our whole family. I never had a Sunday Roast before and I heard so many good things about it that I thought I finally had to have one. No word of a lie it was soooooooo good. And the place we went to was a whole new level of cuteness. We then just had a catch up with everyone and there our Sunday went.

Sadly Monday was our last day so, me and my mum we had to finish our shopping. To spend our last evening the best way possible it was only fair to go to another favourite of mine: Sofra. We always go to the one in Mayfair (there is another one near Oxford Street). I love the concept of it really much. The whole ground floor is mirrored so it looks way bigger than it actually is. And the food...just wow. They've got a bread and butter pudding there that is so good I could eat it every day. ❤❤❤
The next day we packed everything and went home.

I just want to say that I'm very very very lucky to be able to go to so many places with my family. I really appreciate everything I got, especially having my family with me on these adventures.

I've got a few more exciting holidays planned if you like this kind of post let me know.

There are some last pictures down below.

Love, Steff xx

PS: I feel like all we did was eating but I bloody enjoyed it

Travel: London (Part 1)

Hello everybody,

in February I went to my favourite city London.
It was such an amazing time and I wish I was still there. There is going to be a second post next week because this one is already quite long.

So let's get started!
I've been in London a few times before so we had plenty time to do whatever we'd like to do. We arrived on Sunday and the weather wasn't the best tbh but it was still lovely (except the ferry part 'cause I got seasick). As we drove towards London our SatNavs took us weird ways (one of them is from my uncle that we use to see speed cameras) anyway it was actually nice we have been to parts we never been before. The rest of the day was very chilled we just had a quick snack and later some tea at my uncles and Chinese takeaway (probably not what you expect when you go to London).

We are always lucky with the weather it rarely rains when we come to the UK so on Monday it was so sunny but we were kinda stuck in the hotel because we all felt a bit under the weather and the past days were very stressful. We did go out on that day but just for a little walk. In the evening we (of course) went to Carluccios.
What's London without having a big trip to the shops (or in our case two). I think London is one of the best places to go shopping. There are so many different styles coming together, there is just nothing you can't wear.
When in London I love to walk around (way more than at home) so instead of taking that 2-minute walk to (one of) my favourite restaurants from the tube station I took my mum on a 15-minute walk. The Creperie in South Ken do the best crepes I have ever had in my life.  The dough for the savoury crepe isn't as sweet there as it was at any other place I went to. Whilst shopping I found some candy floss grapes in M&S. It is one of the weirdest but also best things I've ever tasted. If you find some try them. I wish we had them here in Germany.
My favourite part of this trip must be Wednesday, I finally got to go to the Warner Bros. Studio Tour. Seeing all the details from the films was an overwhelming and burned-forever-in-my-mind-experience. I can't describe how much I want to go there again it is so crazy. My favourite parts were Hogwarts Express, as soon as we went in that room I screamed of happiness. If you've been there before or seen pictures of it, you know that there is a room where they built a model of Hogwarts. It is so beautiful. Another highlight was walking along Diagon Alley and going in Ollivanders. I've never seen more wands in my life.

On the last day (for this post at least) we went to Vertigo42 and had afternoon tea on the 42nd floor. I'm scared of heights but I don't know what it is but every time I'm in London all my fears shrink and let me enjoy my time (i still had a lot of respect being that high up). The food was so delicious and the view... just wow. I could have sat there for hours. At the end of the day we had dinner at a Lebanese place we went to before.

Right, I'm gonna end it here. I hope you enjoyed this little view into my holidays.
And here are some more pictures!
See you next week!
Love, Steff xx

Living with a mental illness

Hello everybody, better grab a drink and some snacks because this is a long one.

It is going to be hard but I think it has to be said out loud. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I have been depressed and there was a time in my life where I barely ate and did so much exercise. But that's behind me and this post is about anxiety and panic attacks because that's what is happening right now.

So let me start with how it all began (even though there is no exact moment). I've always been very shy and afraid of many things and I have a huge imagination.
The time I had my first panic attack was around 4 years ago. At this point, I had no clue what this was and how it's going to affect my life. We went to the hospital but they (obviously) couldn't find anything that was physically wrong with me. So they told me and my mum that maybe I should see a psychiatrist. I was so confused I didn't understand why I should go to a psychiatrist. I didn't felt "ill" or something so we left it. I did feel anxious after this but it stopped quickly. A few months later my mum asked me if I'd want to go and see a psychiatrist (because in Germany you need a special form to be able to see a special doctor and ours was about to expire). I was like "No it stopped and I feel fine". It had stopped for some time and then it started again but I knew it was all in my head so I ignored it. Time has passed since then but it got to a point where I wasn't able to ignore it anymore. It got worse over the years and it still does. It affects my everyday life way more than it should and I never expected this to happen in my life. It feels like something that takes over control of my body. The thing is I do know that I need an expert to work on it but I kind of got used to giving in and I realised that thinking about seeing a psychiatrist makes me feel anxious. I feel like this person would judge me and be like "Get over it, you little pussy!" what obviously isn't the case but my mind tries to convince me that this is the real situation.
I've sworn to myself as soon as I turn 18, I'm going to see a psychiatrist. One reason why I chose this age is (at least I think this is right, correct me if I'm wrong) that if you under 18 doctors can tell your parents so I just want to be sure. I don't want to tell my parents until I made some progress and I don't want to put this extra weight on their shoulders because their life isn't easy either. I know they wouldn't mind and they care about me and love me but my mind is stronger than me.
I know I'm doing it the wrong way and I want to change it but I've made this decision and there isn't really a way back for me. You make them before knowing the outcome. And personally, I can be very stubborn so there we go. That's it from my past now let's come to the present situation.

I gave up a lot of things that I enjoyed and I regret it, I regret it so much it hurts. There are only a few days that I don't feel anxious or have a panic attack. I get them nearly everywhere at anytime. Sometimes I can ease them down but other times I can't. Anxiety and panic attacks rule my life. There are days that I feel fine, there are hard days and there are days that I can't even get out of bed because it's the only place that I feel kind of safe. And at the end of the day, it won't stop. It thrills you at night. There is no escape.
If you never experienced a panic or anxiety attack before I quickly try to explain it to you.
Imagen you sit on your couch. You watch some TV or read a book or do nothing. Then you realise your breathing has gone crazy. You feel like there is no air going into your lungs. Your heart beats so fast or even skips a beat or two. You start wondering what is wrong and that's the point where you can't stop it anymore. Your mind starts to image the weirdest things and convinces you that you are going to die. This is just one way it can feel like. Other "symptoms" that I personally have are dry mouth, sweating, hot flushes, feeling cold, shaking/trembling, crying, feeling trapped, feel like you go insane, feel like fainting, dizziness, feeling lightheaded, headaches, feeling nauseous or sick, going to the toilet more frequently, feel like you aren't connected to your body....and many many more.
It is a never ending fight and some days are better than others.


I hope you got kind of an expression what it feels like and if you want to learn more about it or any other mental disease check out Mind.
If you suffer from any mental illness always remember you are not alone.
I also want to know how it affects your life.


Love, Steff xx