Living with someone who's disabled

Hello everybody,

I don't know yet where I'm going to go with this post but I feel like this is something that I just need to say. These particular thoughts keep crossing my mind for so long now and I want to get them out...not just spoken but written as this feels it has more of a meaning.

Just to have said this, I'm not seeking any attention with this post these are just my thoughts about my situation and I do want to write about them as this is why I have started this blog in the first place. Maybe you can relate to some of these things maybe not, either way, it's okay.

My grandmother is severely disabled since I was 2 years old that means I don't remember her not being disabled. She had a brain bleeding in 2001 which led to her left side being paralyzed. She was able to do most of everyday tasks such as cleaning and tidying her flat, getting dressed, cooking for herself, going outside, walking around in general. And I was used to her this way because it has never been any different. But in 2014 she had a stroke but she didn't get a treatment right away. The doctors in our local hospital send her home again. The next day she went to the hospital again, the doctors still were convinced she had nothing as it's not that rare that someone who had a brain bleeding can't do much anymore but with everything it differs from case to case but anyway long story short it took them 2 days to finally realise what was going on. Now fast-forward to today she had multiple rehabs but most of them made it worse, she also had multiple other strokes that stayed undiagnosed for quite some time.
Now my grandmother can't walk anymore, she can barely eat by herself and talk.

Most people would take them to a special-care home (nothing wrong with that I don't judge anyone for doing that) but my grandfather and me but mostly he cares for her at home. And seeing this every day of the week for years does shape you and I really do admire my grandfather for doing everything that he does for my grandmother because most people won't do that and I think this just shows how true and much he loves her that he sticks through all of this with her. 
Believe me when I say this but it is hard and you'll be devasted if things get worse or might not work at first it really is and it will break you at the end not just physically but also mentally. It's so much that you carry with you but not everyone sees it.

It's not like I see my grandparents like once a month or so...  I do see them 24/7, I live with them and you cannot, not see how they have changed over the years.
Everbody does change during their time but not that dramatically especially if they are older. I remember my grandfather always having a smile on his face, being energized doing so many things...now he doesn't smile that often anymore, he does not have the energy to do many other things than caring for my grandmother.

An old teacher of mine, who knows about my situation recently said to me that I had to grow up earlier than most people do. I never thought about this that way but she is right I have more responsibilities than other people in my age have and as I thought about that I've realised that when I hear some of the people in school talking, who are the same age as me, the way they talk about things and how 'hard' it is for them to cope with school work I can't always understand them. Another thing they worry about is how to get to every party they want to go to. When they come back on Monday morning all they talk about is how wasted they have gotten and about their hangovers. 
I mean yeah it is cool to have fun and stuff but getting wasted every weekend whilst still being under age is not really the ideal life, is it?
Anyway, I'm flying off the tangent.
 I do love them a lot and I care for them so this is especially hard but I wouldn't change my situation...okay I do wish that some days would be better than they actually are but who doesn't?

I hope this post may be an eye-opener for some of you. Although it is really miss-matched. 
Do you have any family members or close friends who are disabled?

Love, Steff xx

First School Week

Hello everybody,

it still hasn't settled in that this is my last and most important year at school!

Even tho the first week has passed and we've got told most of the important exams it is so surreal.
Last year it took me the first week to realise it but not so this time. 
It may settle in when I've got my first test maybe even my first "Klausur" or it may take until my big exams. I don't know yet, the only thing I do know is that I'm not ready to leave school after this year.
Sure everyone says how much they hate school and believe me I'm that sort of person too but the next time I start summer holidays I won't see the majority of the people anymore and I won't come back which is weird I'm not gonna lie.
And I do tend to believe those people now who always said to me that school was great and they wish they were still there because nobody wants to be an adult as soon as they realise how exhausting it is.

Like most of your future is unsure. You don't know where you're going to be this time next year...so much out of our control can happen.
That's it, why people are so scared of the future nothing is predictable...at least most things aren't.

What school year/grade are you in? Do you have a plan of what your life is going to look like after school?

Love, Steff xx

Travel: Hamburg and Soltau

Hello everybody,

I can't believe school started today!!! Where has time gone?! Those six weeks were way too short.

As school started today this is going to be my last travelling post in a while now as well as the last one I write whilst having no school.

For my last two weeks, I went to Hamburg and Soltau for about a week with some friends. My last week of summer I spent at home, went shopping and went to some birthday parties.

We left on Wednesday morning really early and took the train to Hamburg so we arrived at around lunch time. We first had some coffee and afterwards went to our hostel to check in and leave our suitcases there. We stayed at the A&O Hostel Hamburg City. It is cheap but still secure and clean. We then just went into the city centre. We visited the atrium of the city hall and went up St. Nikolai and visited the museum right underneath it. Later we chilled at the Binnenalster and then went back to our hostel. In the evening we had a Chinese takeaway as we went to Planten un Blomen (it's one of Hamburg's parks). We had some fun at the playground and later watched one of the "Wasserlichtkonzerte" which happen every evening and have different topics as well as they are for free (they play music as the shoot out water at the big lake and colour it with spotlights...I'm really bad at describing things...soz).

The next day we did a sightseeing tour with one of those busses and went through the Old Elbe Tunnel. Afterwards, we went on a quick little shopping spree at Mönckebergstraße. In the evening we just chilled at our room.

On Friday we took the ferry to get to the Docklands. This is a part of the harbour where all the container ships go. You have a really beautiful view over the harbour. Afterwards, we went back to Planten un Blomen. It was a beautiful day but it suddenly started chucking it down luckily we were near the palm house. There were three different climate types with different plants. I'm not really someone who has a lot of plants or who can keep them alive very well but they had so many beautiful ones there I wanted to take them with me. There was a cactus (i don't remember the name of it) that looked like it had green roses on top of it.
As it was our last day we wanted to get to see as much of Hamburg as possible. We went to one of the richer parts called "Blankenese" and had some nice lunch at an Italian place. As the sun came out again we decided to go to the so called "Treppenviertel" this an area where you can only take stairs to your house. You can't go there by car or bus or even bicycle, the only way to get to your house is taking the stairs. We then went to the beach but we had to leave soon because it started raining again. We took the bus back to the harbour and went to the "Miniatur Wunderland". Honestly, I haven't thought it would be this amazing but it actually was one of the coolest things I have done!!! They also simulated day and night and had planes flying around as well as trains driving everywhere. It was so worth it and I recommend it to everyone who's visiting Hamburg.

The next day we left to go to Soltau. We arrived there in the early afternoon and went to our holiday home. The woman who owns it was super nice and very lovely. After settling in a bit we had a food shop which kinda turned out just buying frozen pizza and other frozen stuff. Although we also bought some fruits. During the late afternoon, we decided to go to the thermal bath which had a salt cave. We spent a fun afternoon/early evening there, then headed home and made us some pizza. The only annoying thing was that no matter how often I showered I smelled of salt and chlorine for four days. Whilst dinner we watched Maggie the most unscary horror movie I've ever seen.

On Sunday we went to the "Heide Park". Probably not the best idea to go there on a Sunday as public transportation isn't really a thing on Sundays there but we still made it. As I'm not a crazy ride freak I didn't go on that many but it still was a fun day and I still managed to do one of the craziest things in my life. The "ADAC" (automobile club in Germany) was there and they had a simulator there that showed you how a rollover in a car feels like. I was sooo shocked afterwards it took me fifteen minutes to realise what has happened. It was unbelievably crazy and amazing. In the evening we watched one of the cutest films called Chappie.

The next day we checked out but as our train home only left at 5 pm we were able to leave our suitcases there and went to the town centre. We had some lunch, walked around and bought some things. Our holiday home lady was so nice she even took us back to the train station. 

I really enjoyed myself and spent some quality with my friends. I wish we could've stayed there longer.

Now here are some pictures! 😛

Love, Steff xx