Current Thoughts

 Hi guys,

in less than 24h is my Bachelor defence. Right now I'm not as nervous as I have been the past couple of days. My presentation is done, so are my keywords the only thing left to do is choose clothes and practice. That's crazy!

But something else is currently on my mind and I know the following will be controversial and I don't mean to invalidate anyone thoughts and feelings towards this topic. So basically tomorrow there will be new rules in Saxony concerning the pandemic. And those rules are at the same time more strict but also less strict. Anyway, with the new rules, it is supposed to work like that: at a certain point of hospitalizations the rules will be very strict and basically only vaccinated people and people who have had the Covid-19 in the past six months are allowed to go places and do stuff. I have had Covid-19 probably in December last year but I only found that out in February this year because I did an antibody test and it came back positive. But this didn't allow me to be counted as someone who has had the virus because you would need to be able to show a positive PCR-Test. And with the new rules, there will be a certain point when "just" getting tested isn't enough anymore and you won't be allowed to do things and go places. The thing is I don't mind getting tested to be able to do things, I know it is quite a hassle but totally bearable. 

Now here comes the controversial part. I'm not vaccinated and I was not planning on getting vaccinated soon. I'm not completely against the vaccine, as a fact I'm vaccinated for everything else that I need vaccines for. I also don't believe in those conspiracy theories that Bill Gates is behind all of this and he wants to reduce the world's population or that there are chips in the vaccine that are supposed to control your brain or anything like that. And I also would get vaccinated at one point but not just now. The reasoning behind this is that I personally feel like the vaccine hasn't been tested enough and also not long enough compared to any other vaccine out on the market. You know what I mean? With any vaccine, I got it already has been researched and tested for years and decades before it got in my body. They also have been updated and further developments have taken place to make them better. But with the Covid-19 vaccine, these things did not happen in full capacity. There are no long term studies and I don't think anyone out there can give me 100 % reassurance that there won't be any long term effects at all. Because how could we know for sure if the vaccine has been developed a short while ago. Can someone tell me what will happen in 2, 3, 4, 5, 10, 20 years?! For me, this risk is one that I don't want to take and I'm sure my reasoning makes sense and maybe is understandable. If we could travel into the future 2 or 3 years done the line and the vaccines has been tested for longer and maybe even upgraded and it looks okay concerning side effects. I honestly would not mind getting it. But that's the thing, no one knows what the future holds. I also don't mind getting tested and I do follow social distancing and hygiene rules.

But now with those new rules, I feel very pressured to get vaccinated just to be able to do everyday things. And I'm not okay with that. I think it is morally very questionable if this is actually the right thing and it does not seem to me like democracy and being able to have free will and making my OWN decisions. This pressure is really getting to me. Because I know that if I don't get vaccinated those rules will apply at some point and I then will be left with only being able to sit on my couch and do nothing because I'm literally in a lockdown. Well, that would be very hard on my mental health. The past lockdowns haven't been good on it and I really struggled, what kept me going was the fact, that we were all in the same boat. But now we aren't anymore. 

You see I don't know what to do. For one I don't want to struggle with my mental health again and I don't want to feel like I'm missing out. On the other hand, I also don't really want to take that risk of getting the vaccine because I'm sceptical and scared of potential long term side effects. This pressure being but on me from the government is also very questionable.

I really don't know what to do....

Love, Steff xxx